


Like A Hypothetical Indie Movie

by CostumeMakersApprentice



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/F, F/M, OT5 Friendship, Other, it is literally a cheesy indie movie about friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CostumeMakersApprentice/pseuds/CostumeMakersApprentice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the insistence of his adopted father, Naruto starts his first year of college. An old friend lets him crash on her couch and it's all downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tozette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tozette/gifts).



> So a friend on tumblr suggested I create my ideal movie and, afterwards, asked what said movie would look like with Naruto characters. This is the result and it is gifted to her. Features some of my favorite characters being dorks, even if a lot of them are side characters.

_Clack, clack…pause…huff. Clack, clack…pause…huff._

Tired blue eyes shifted towards the corner of the laptop, seeking the time. _2:17 AM_

He groaned and ran a hand over his face before looking back at the screen. The flashing cursor taunted him, reminding him of what needed to be done.

Kakashi-sensei—well, more appropriately Yamato-senpai—had assigned the final paper of the year the previous day in class. The students were supposed to write about some experience or memory from their first year of college that greatly impacted them.

And, as he usually was, Uzumaki Naruto was at a great loss.

Reaching for the half eaten bowl of ramen beside him, Naruto sighed yet again when he discovered it to be cold. He walked to the kitchen, dumped the noodles into the sink and set about heating up some water for a new bowl.

The blond leaned against the counter, tossing the packet of instant ramen between his hands idly. How the hell was he supposed to pick just one event from this past year that affected him? The entire damn year was a roller coaster!

Should he talk about changing a diaper for the first time, and the verbal lashing he received from his roommates for his failure?

That one night on that empty field, eating and drinking and laughing like they were the only people alive?

The time he gave advice and someone listened to him…and it worked?

He felt the steam from the electric kettle beside him and quickly fixed the noodles and flavor powder in the bowl before pouring the water in and stirring. Instant ramen wasn’t exactly Naruto’s favorite meal but at this time of night—and with his wallet in its current dismal state—it was the best he could do. Slurping the noodles and ignoring the burning on his tongue, the blond returned to his seat in front of his laptop. The blinking cursor continued to taunt him, blue eyes narrowing as the wheels in his head creaked and whirled. What was the most significant event of the past year?

The answer came so suddenly that Naruto stopped, a noodle still hanging from his mouth:

_All of it._

After all, Yamato-senpai hadn’t set a maximum page limit; just told the students they needed a minimum of five complete pages.

In hindsight, that might’ve been a poor idea, as the overworked grad student would be the one grading the papers. But he must’ve figured few students would go far above the minimum.

But really, what was to stop Naruto from covering the entire year? The answer he came to was _‘nothing.’_

A determined grin split the male’s face and he pushed the bowl of ramen aside; the grin only widened with the steady clacking of fingers on keys.

* * *

“I’m very proud of you, Naruto,” spoke the tanned man, adjusting the framed high school diploma on the wall before turning towards the blond on the sofa.

Naruto huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the floor. “Proud of what?” he mumbled. “I didn’t get any fancy honors or anything. That bastard Sasuke graduated top of the class and I’m lucky I even graduated.”

The boy’s guardian, Umino Iruka, smacked him upside the head. “Don’t talk like that,” he chastised. “And the fact that Sasuke-san graduated top of his class and you didn’t is precisely why I’m proud of you.”

After a moment, the teenager turned to his guardian, eyes cautious but hopeful. Iruka had never once let Naruto down but even the blond couldn’t see how anyone would be proud of him instead of the mature, intelligent, albeit brooding and harsh Uchiha.

With a sigh, Iruka sat himself beside the boy, a comforting and warm hand resting against Naruto’s shoulder. “Schoolwork as always come natural to Sasuke-san. You’ve told me as much. Getting high honors is expected of him. But you…you had to work, and work hard. I’m proud of you because, even when faced with failure, you succeeded.”

Iruka smiled then and a sense of familiarity warmed Naruto from the inside. The teenager didn’t really have a family before being adopted by the elementary school teacher. He had heard from the woman who ran the orphanage that his father had been some important politician and that he and his wife—Naruto’s mother—had passed away in a car accident. He had also heard some mention of a godfather but the man never showed up and no one ever told Naruto about him so the boy dismissed the idea fairly easily.

He had always been a bit of a problem child growing up and was almost certain that he’d never get adopted; then along came Iruka, with the same smile he was giving Naruto now. Sometimes, the blond felt his adopted father was the only one to ever smile at him like that. And the thought brought a bright grin to his face.

“Heh, aw, Iruka-sensei, no need to get all sappy on me,” the blond chuckled, puffing out his chest proudly.

Iruka shook his head, chuckling quietly under his breath, before patting the blond on the shoulder. “Come on,” he said, standing up. “Today’s payday. Let me take you out to celebrate your graduation.”

“Probably shouldn’t have told me you have money now, Sensei!” Naruto chortled, popping up from his seat and following his guardian out the door. “Now you can’t stop me from ordering ten bowls of miso ramen!”

Iruka, with that comforting smile on his face, merely shrugged. “You’ve earned it.”

* * *

Applying to colleges had really been Iruka’s idea. Naruto was quite content going straight to work at the Mom and Pop—or rather, Pop and Daughter—ramen shop he often frequented. Iruka hadn’t wanted the boy to squander his potential and the blonde had acquiesced, provided that he could still get work experience at Ichiraku when he came back home for breaks.

The blond planned to major in the culinary arts; in all honesty, Naruto hadn’t quite expected to graduate with the rest of his class and hadn’t thought hard about a potential major. He wasn’t like That Bastard Sasuke, who had college offers pouring in for both his academic standing and his judo talent; he wasn’t like Nara Shikamaru or his close friend Haruno Sakura, both of whom had graduated a year early with several scholarships.

He was just Uzumaki Naruto and he thought he was pretty damn lucky for even graduating.

Culinary school was out of the question, at least for the coming year. He had missed the deadline, or so a kid from school had informed him, as most of the specialized universities took applications in advance.

Naruto was personally completely in favor of skipping a year and applying for culinary school the following year but Iruka would have none of that.

“Not going to Sound Capital…don’t want Bastard to show me up for another four years,” Naruto grumbled as he shifted through his pile of acceptance letters. There had been way more than he had expected and Iruka prattled on proudly about how he knew Naruto would get in everywhere he applied; it wasn’t until the boy shut his bedroom door to choose a school in private that the tanned male stopped talking.

The small pile of about five envelopes lay spread across the blond’s desk. Naruto wore an expression of concentration as blue eyes trailed over each one slowly before making a pile of rejects to join the acceptance letter from Sound Capital.

A long moment of silence passed as Naruto slowly added the other letters to the pile until only one remained: Kurama University.

Iruka had been a bit hesitant to allow his adopted son to apply there, seeing as the school didn’t have a particularly prestigious reputation, at least in comparison to some of the other schools that accepted him. But once the blond had heard that it was the university where his parents had gone, no force imaginable could stop him from applying.

And now, he would be following in his parents’ footsteps.

Logging onto the school’s website and formally accepting their offer of admission, a wide grin split Naruto’s face. He glanced at the corner of his desk to the old worn picture in the frame. The orphanage had said the picture was with him when he arrived, a faded snapshot of both of his parents grinning just as widely as he was now.

“Hope you’re proud, guys. Wherever you are,” the blond murmured, sending one last grin towards the photograph before leaving his room, ready to tell Iruka his final decision.

* * *

The town surrounding Kurama U was a bit different than Naruto had anticipated. He hadn’t been to Suna since he was a child and, given the fact that it was just 3 hours by train from Konaha, he hadn’t expected the landscape to change so drastically. The trees were sparser and the climate was a lot more humid. It would take some getting used to, definitely, but Naruto was sure he could.

He had come for student orientation, which was relatively boring and thankfully over quickly. The only mandatory events had been the opening lecture by the dean and time slots set aside to pick classes; the rest of the time was scheduled for tours, speaking to counselors or department heads, that sort of thing.

Naruto had gone on one of the tours of the dormitories—mostly at Iruka’s insistence. The boy had a spot reserved in one of the dorms but it was on the more expensive side. He could commute, but it would be a difficult trek each day. Plus Iruka wanted his son to have the full college experience. Still, Naruto intended to spend of the rest of his time looking around town for any available spaces in apartments or share houses. It was worth a shot, at the very least.

The search had, thus far, been unsuccessful but Naruto wasn’t one to give up easily.

Though things would be much simpler if he had had his companion with him to show him around the city.

“Still can’t believe you bailed on me,” the blond whined into his phone as he continued strolling down unfamiliar streets.

An airy but clearly worn-out sigh came from the other end. “I told you already,” came the soft voice of Hyuuga Hinata, “The person who was supposed to take this shift had to switch last minute. I didn’t mean to cancel, I just—Oh! Kiba! Are you done fixing the popcorn machine?” There was a pause and Naruto could hear Kiba shouting something in the background. Hinata groaned in annoyance. “See if Choji-kun will give you a hand, ne?” the ravenette called back to her co-worker before pressing her cell phone against her ear again. “I’m really sorry, Naruto-kun. I get off in a few hours. Maybe I can treat you to dinner, or something later tonight?”

“Not like I’d turn down free dinner,” Naruto chuckled, “But I would’ve rather had your help with house hunting.”

“I’m sor—”

“I know, Hinata-chan,” the blond said with a smile. “Just buy me fourths at dinner tonight. You’re good for it.”

“Otou-san’s money is for emergencies only and payday isn’t until next week,” the girl laughed. “So we’ll see. Now, I’d better go before Kiba and Choji-kun ruin something else.” After exchanging quick goodbyes, the indigo-haired girl hung up.

Naruto sighed lightly. He sort of missed the days when Hinata would always be there at his beck and call, as bad as it sounded. It was just nice to know someone would always be there for him. True, those days had ended back when they were about 14 and he was rather proud the girl was coming into her own. Still, he could’ve used the company and the help right now.

The blond was quickly distracted from his thoughts by the scent of something really appetizing. Dinner was still a long way off…

Following his nose—which had never steered him wrong before—Naruto walked a few blocks down the street and found himself outside of a small café. The letters on the sign read “Aconite” in white cursive script and looked inviting enough, despite the name. Naruto decided to step inside, stomach already growling in anticipation.

The inside of Aconite was…not what Naruto would picture for a normal café. The beige walls were decorated in orange, red and yellow paint splatters—as if the painter had simply held three brushes with the desired colors and spun around the room. But that wasn’t the weird part and Naruto, in fact, liked the color scheme.

No, it was the pictures that were weird.

Framed paintings in dark tones of nearly nude models were hung in various spots on the walls. As Naruto approached the cash register, he happened to notice one subject almost looked as if it had hinges on their joints. Like some sort of doll or puppet.

…Alright then.

“Freaky, right?”

Naruto was drawn out of observing the rather creepy portrait by the voice of the barista at the counter. He had heard tale that when a person was on their own for the first time, they tended to see their old friends and acquaintances in random strangers. Still, he hadn’t expected to find someone who looked so similarly to his old classmate Yamanaka Ino.

This person had the same flowing blond locks, held up in a similar ponytail, and even wore a similar smirk. But the shoulders were broader, the jawline more pronounced and…yup, Adam’s apple.

“Look kid, I know I look good but I’m not on the menu, yeah?” the barista teased, smirk widening as he leaned casually against the counter.

Heat flooded Naruto’s cheeks and he laughed—loudly and awkwardly and easily drawing the attention of the few patrons seated—as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “N-no, I-I’m sorry, you just look like someone I know is all,” he assured the barista.

Who, for his part, merely hummed in response; though the smirk on his lips did nothing to help Naruto’s embarrassment. Not like the guy wasn’t attractive because he very clearly was. But Naruto was poor at flirting when he _tried_ to do it and even worse when it wasn’t his intention.

All he wanted was some food, dammit.

“Naruto?”

The blonde turned at the call of his name and felt his jaw go slack. “Sakura-chan??”

The pink hair and bright grin was all Naruto needed to prove it really was his friend. Ignoring the barista, still waiting for his order, the blonde bounded forward and scooped the rosette in a bear hug. “Sakura-chan!!” he exclaimed again. Setting her down after a moment but leaving a hand on her shoulder, Naruto beamed at his friend. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to that, that fancy medical school? Uh, crap, what was it called?”

“The Senjuu Academy for Medical Sciences,” Sakura responded immediately before sighing lightly. “I didn’t get in.”

Naruto blinked owlishly in confusion. “What? No, that’s not possible!”

Sakura rolled her eyes briefly. “Clearly it is, Naruto, since I’m going to Kurama University right now.”

The pink-haired girl’s announcement caused the blond’s thoughts to shift abruptly from indigence to excitement. “Kurama?? Sakura-chan, that’s where I’m going!”

Now it was Sakura’s turn to blink. “Really? You’re going to Kurama?”

Naruto beamed down at his friend, teasing her with a playful, “You sound surprised, Sakura-chan! I’m hurt!”

The girl immediately shook her head, holding her hands up in defense. “No, no, not like that! I’ve always known you were a smart guy, Naruto! I mean, if you applied yourself, which you didn’t do a lot—”

“I get it, Sakura,” grumbled the blond.

“It’s just…I thought you wanted to work at Ichiraku? I didn’t even know college was in the cards for you,” the rosette girl said at last.

Naruto’s grin was replaced by a thoughtful expression and after a moment, he shrugged. “Yeah, Ichiraku was the plan. But I promised Iruka-sensei I’d try school for a year, at least. Plus, turns out my parents went to Kurama, so it seemed like the right choice. You know?”

Sakura was the one to grin this time, nodding. “Yeah, I do get it,” she said softly before gesturing with her head towards the small cluster of tables. One was laden with a laptop and multiple textbooks though the seats were empty. Sakura’s table. “Why don’t we sit down and catch up for a bit! I missed a lot skipping our last year of high school, I bet! How’s Sasuke-kun? And Ino-Pig? And everyone? Come on, I’ll buy you a drink and we can talk!”

As if to express its approval for Sakura’s suggestion, Naruto’s stomach growled loudly. Flushing lightly and chuckling again, Naruto replied, “Sure, sounds good. But I can’t stay too long. I’ve gotta try and find a place to stay so I don’t have to live in the dorms.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to live in the dorms?” Sakura questioned, tilting her head slightly. “I’d love to do that! Get the full college experience.”

Naruto shrugged. “Yeah, I guess, but it’s a lot of money…Plus, I didn’t exactly get a whole lot of scholarships. If I’m just trying this college thing out for a year, I don’t wanna put Iruka-sensei out of house and home.”

His companion nodded, somewhat solemnly. “Yeah, I can understand that. Well, we’ll get something to eat and then I can help you house hunt.”

“You sure?” Naruto questioned, despite his stomach eagerly agreeing to that plan. “You look pretty busy,” he added, gesturing to her abandoned textbooks.

Sakura waved a hand nonchalantly. “Classes haven’t started yet. I’m just studying up. I’ve heard some of my professors this semester are pretty fast paced and I want to make sure I have a clear understanding of what we covered last year.” She paused, noting her rambling and the confused look on her friend’s face, and smiled. “The point is, I am well overdue for a break.”

Sakura turned back to the barista, glancing at the menu briefly. “Deidara-kun, we’ll take two cups of that jasmine tea Sasori-san recommended and…some of those cinnamon buns Granny Chiyo made this morning.”

“What, I can’t even get a ‘please’?” the barista, evidently named Deidara, remarked, moving to the cash register to ring up their purchase. “You wound me, Sakura-chan.”

“You can handle it, you’re a big boy,” Sakura teased before becoming aware of the presence beside her. “Oh, right. Naruto-kun, this is Deidara-kun. My housemate. Deidara-kun, this is Uzumaki Naruto. One of my best friends from back home in Konaha.”

“Oh hey! I finally get to meet the famous Naruto, hmm?” Deidara beamed. “Sakura-chan talks about you all the time! Oh, ¥1830, Sakura-chan.”

Naruto blinked. “She does?”

“Oh yeah! You and the littlest Uchiha, hmm. A few others but you two mostly,” Deidara answered, turning his focus to Sakura, accepting the bills and coins she handed him. He gave the two people before him a mock salute before turning around to get their drinks and food prepared.

“At least you have a nice housemate, Sakura-chan,” Naruto mused as the two made their way back to the table.

Sakura covered her mouth to muffle her snort. “Oh god, Deidara-kun is an awful housemate,” she said, in a voice that didn’t quite convince Naruto. Seeing her friend’s raised brow, Sakura turned a bit more somber and added, “He’s a nice guy until it’s 3 in the morning and there’s an explosion in the kitchen because he was suddenly struck with inspiration and blows up the clay sculptures he’s trying to make because he won’t turn on all the lights and puts the incorrect temperature on the oven.”

Naruto winced. Yeah…that didn’t sound great.

“At least you have a place to live?” It wasn’t meant to be a question.

Sakura shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” Green eyes blinked up at Naruto after a brief moment. “All the rooms are occupied, but we do have a pretty comfy couch in the living room. If you need a place to crash for the weekend, you can stay with us.”

Naruto beamed brightly. “Really??” he questioned, jumping up from his seat and nearly knocking over Deidara and his tray of tea and cinnamon buns. The blond shot the shorter male a sheepish grin as he slowly eased back into his seat.

Deidara glared at Naruto briefly before serving the food. “I’m cool with it but you might wanna talk to Konan first,” he remarked to Sakura without looking up from the tea he was pouring.

“Konan?” Naruto asked, accepting the cup of tea and taking a sip.

“Our other housemate, yeah,” Deidara remarked almost absently, glancing at Sakura.

Who merely shrugged in response. “She’s at work right now so I can’t just call her. I guess we can go to Red Dawn in a little while and talk to her in person.”

“We who? Sasori and Granny Chiyo aren’t here so I’m the only one working until closing,” Deidara countered with a flick of his bangs.

Sakura merely shrugged again. “Naruto-kun and I can go ahead, then. We’ll see you when you get off.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Deidara remarked, waving his hand away boredly. “Enjoy your food and I guess I’ll see you both later, hmm. It was nice to meet you, Famous Naruto!”

“Uh, you too!” Naruto responded before setting his tea down and fixing his friend with a worried glance. “Really, Sakura-chan, I don’t wanna make things weird for your housemates or anything.”

“There’s no harm in asking. Konan can be pretty easygoing,” Sakura assured the blond, taking a bite of one of the cinnamon buns. “So she’ll probably say yes. If not, I have a few other friends that can take you in for a weekend.”

Green eyes met blue and Sakura smirked almost conspiratorially. “We’ll worry about that later. Right now, you have to tell me what your senior prank was. 1000 yen says something involving Sarutobi-sensei’s favorite flower vase and…a frog.”

Naruto returned the smirk easily. “Close. A dozen frogs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a ton of this is planned out, beside the bare bones of the arcs for our 5 roommates. Pairings and warnings will be added as I go, though Sakura/Konan is the only one with real plot relevance. Updating will be sporadic but I'll try to update more often than like, once every 3 months.
> 
> Feedback, comments and suggestions are warmly welcomed. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Naruto and Sakura make their way to the Red Dawn bar, Naruto meets a few of the employees and wonders when the hell Sakura made such...interesting friends.

Time passed relatively quickly with Sakura. Naruto regaled her with some of the latest escapades from the year she had missed. The story about Kiba smuggling puppies in his backpack and the only reason he got off scot-free was because—rumor had it—that he bribed Sarutobi-sensei with one of the pups. The story about Hinata getting up and walking out of their math class because she was just so bone tired from all her exams; Kiba and Shino had found her later that day in the green room of the theater, sleeping on the old worn couch. And yes, even the story of the frogs and the vase, from the Great Dissection Liberation Movement to Iruka just barely managing to get Naruto not suspended weeks before graduation.

Sakura’s stories weren’t nearly as glamorous. “I’m a medicine major,” she explained, “Most of my days are spent studying, crying, skipping meals and using Konan’s Netflix account to watch cheesy supernatural dramas.” She did mention some of her new friends though, the people she met through her other roommate Konan and how she was taking a Criminal Law class on her parents’ insistence and how she liked the TA.

After a while, the pair noticed that—aside from Deidara, wiping down the counters—they were alone in the café.

Checking her cell phone for the time, Sakura rose from her seat, stretching her arms high over her head. “I guess Konan should be working about now. We can head on over to the bar, Naruto. Deidara-kun, you’ll meet us after you lock up?”

“Where else am I gonna go, yeah? Back to our place to eat instant ramen? No thanks, hmm. Even bar food sounds good about now,” the long-haired blond retorted.

Naruto, however, was stuck on where they were about to embark. “Eh? Bar?” he questioned, standing all the same. “You don’t drink, Sakura-chan.”

Deidara (just barely) managed to conceal a snort of laughter.

“I do sometimes,” Sakura conceded with a shrug, raising a brow at the look Naruto shot her. “What?”

“B-But Sakura-chan, that’s…” Despite being a year ahead of him in schooling, Sakura was still his age. And both of them were not of the legal drinking age. Not that Naruto really had a problem breaking rules. But the idea of mature, responsible Sakura-chan breaking rules just didn’t quite mesh in Naruto’s head.

“When you met the others, trust me, you’ll need a drink too, yeah,” Deidara warned teasingly, leaning against the display case of pastries. “See you guys there. Don’t let Kakuzu know that it’s payday, yeah? I’m still in the red from the last game of pool we had.”

Sakura made a noise that could’ve been deciphered as agreement or dissent equally as she and Naruto exited the café.

 

* * *

 

The sun was starting to set and taking the heat with it. Dressed in only his t-shirt, Naruto shivered involuntarily. “D-Does it always get so cold at night?”

“It’s not so bad,” Sakura mused lightly at his side. She was showing more skin than the blond was, yet merely buttoned up her thin cardigan in response to the cold. Naruto could see the goosebumps on her arms and they were probably on her legs as well but he didn’t let his gaze linger.

Sakura would’ve stopped him in a far more painful way if he didn’t look away of his own volition.

“I…it’s not f-ar though, right? Th-this bar?”

Sakura tilted her head, a spill of cotton candy hair falling over one shoulder. She hummed in thought. “About 20 minutes, if we walk,” she mused after a moment.

Which, really, in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t very far at all. But the chill was starting to get to him, more so than it had initially. Naruto was very nearly about to admit this when Sakura reached out for him, warm, slim fingers gripping his arm lightly. “We’re here.”

Naruto looked up, blue eyes shifting from the sidewalk under his feet to the small line of people right in front of them to the building itself.

The building was all dirty once-red-now-muted-brown brick and black paint. There was a window a few feet ahead of them, close to the front door, that looked as if it were some sort of ticket kiosk. There was a dully lit red neon sign above the door, cursive letters in a big cloud. The name of the bar was, appropriately, Red Dawn.

“It’s a bit dingy,” Sakura said, a defensive edge sneaking into her voice, “but it’s the only music bar in town.”

“Like a club, you mean?” Naruto asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot fairly quickly. Hey, if it helped to keep him warm.

Sakura paused, pursing pink lips thoughtfully. “Sort of,” she ventured after a long moment. “Except, you know how a club is more emphasis on the music and the dancing? And a regular bar has emphasis on…you know, the drinking?” She waited for Naruto’s nod before finishing with, “Well, Red Dawn is pretty split down the middle. A lot of high school kids come to see bands play here.”

Naruto nodded in understanding. “So that’s why there’s a line,” he deduced.

Sakura tilted her head again. “Eh…sort of? The bouncer checks everyone’s ID, makes sure none of the younger kids are allowed near the bar. Those who are 20 and older get wristbands that allow bartenders to serve them,” the girl explained. The line was slow-going but blissfully short and Sakura and Naruto waited in near silence as they inched forward.

It wasn’t long until the bouncer at the other end was visible. Honestly, Naruto wasn’t sure how he hadn’t seen the man before. Tall, taller and taller still, he looked more like a brick sculpture than a person. The dull red light of the neon sign gave his skin a weird, almost violet glow.

The blond and his pink-haired companion inched even closer, next in line after the scrawny boy in front of them. Blue eyes widened as the bouncer picked up the boy as if he were a misplaced coat, bringing him close to the bouncer’s face.

“Alright school boy, last chance. You come around here with a fake ID again, I smash your face in,” the purple-glowing bouncer growled. He dropped the youth rather carelessly to the ground, watching indifferently as the boy scrambled to his feet and bolted, leaving the fake ID on the ground.

Naruto, face growing paler by the second, shot Sakura a panicked look. They were both under the age limit. Would the bouncer think they were trying to pass off as 20? Would they get kicked out as well?

“Oi, Blondie! ID!” barked the bouncer.

All Naruto could do was stutter.

“Hey Kisame-san! Busy night?” came Sakura’s cheerful voice, sliding up right next to the blue-skinned man—yeah, it wasn’t a trick of the light, it was definitely blue.

The bouncer beamed, all sharp, pointed teeth. “Sakura-san! Same old riff-raff as always. Aside from you, of course,” he remarked, his voice instantly warmer than it had been a moment ago. “I’m surprised you’re still alive. How’d the Anatomy midterm go?” He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket, pulling out a single white paper wristband.

Sakura groaned lightly, throwing her head back in exaggerated anguish. “Don’t even go there,” she sighed, lifting up her wrist and allowing the taller man to wrap the band securely around it.

“That bad, huh?” he inquired, showing even more of his teeth. Naruto gulped reflexively.

“Worse,” Sakura grinned, letting her hand fall to her side. Mirthful green eyes turned to the blond beside her. “Kisame-san, this is my friend Naruto, from back home. He’s at Kurama now.”

It occurred to Naruto belatedly that Sakura had been appropriately vague when discussing why he was in Suna now. To any listening ears, he might have been a transfer student and not a fresh-out-of-high-school first year.

Kisame’s sharp pointed teeth turned to Naruto and the blonde tried to form a smile in response. To be polite. “Fresh meat, huh?” he mused. And just like that, Naruto’s smile fell away and his face paled once more.

“Stop it!” Sakura chastised, smacking the taller man on the arm. It made an impressive sound but Kisame didn’t flinch. He merely laughed, a deep, booming, earth shaking sound.

Someone in the middle of the line coughed impatiently. Kisame glared pointedly at the small gathering of people and then, no one said anything.

Slowly, Kisame returned his gaze back to Naruto, a small smile on his face. He wasn’t showing teeth this time and Naruto was sufficiently less terrified. “ID, blondie?” he asked, warmer than he had the first time., Naruto shot a panicked look to Sakura, who only nodded, a smile of her own on her lips. He managed to nod back a bit jerkily and—with hands that weren’t shaking in the slightest, nope, not at all—retrieved his wallet from his back pocket, flipped open to the ID and proffered it to the bouncer.

Kisame’s eyes scanned over the small card, with Naruto hyperaware of the birthdate printed on it.  But Kisame didn’t even blink at it, merely nodded after a moment and withdrew another wristband from his pocket. He wrapped it snugly around Naruto’s wrist and gave the blond a toothy grin. “Alright, you’re all set.” Kisame stepped out of the way of the door, allowing Naruto and Sakura to walk inside.

“Did he just…?” Naruto asked Sakura, a bit too loudly for the girl’s liking.

“Yes, he’s a friend doing a favor, now sssssh,” she hissed, tugging the blond by his arm and pulling him through the door, into the bar.

 

* * *

 

The lighting inside seemed just as dingy as the bricks outside and it took Naruto a moment to adjust. It was fairly big, bigger than it had looked from the outside. There was a relatively small but still workable stage in the corner where some mediocre grunge band played white noise and a few fans stood around head-banging. There were a few billiard tables, an ATM machine in another corner, and sparse little round tables with even sparser chairs.

Sakura led her companion to the surprisingly unoccupied seats of the bar. She whistled to get the attention of the bartender, a head of orange hair popping up from behind the counter. His face had so much metal in it that Naruto wondered in the back of his mind if the man had difficulty getting through metal detector or onto airplanes.

He was wiping a pint glass with a rag that might’ve once been white as he approached the pair. The bartender nodded, his piercings catching the lights with the motion. “Hey kid,” he greeted to Sakura, setting the rag down and pulling out a bottle of vodka. “The usual.” It wasn’t a question.

But Sakura treated it as one. “Sure, thanks Pein,”she replied easily, draping her cardigan over the bar and stretching her arms briefly.

The bartender, Pein, returned with some sort of vodka lemonade…thing… in a pint glass with a straw. It was then that he turned to look at Naruto and the blonde got the full force of not only a multitude of facial piercings but a pair of strange eyes that appeared to have circles spreading out from the pupil. Naruto may have been staring, just a bit. But who could blame him?

The bartender didn’t quite ask “Hey, Sakura, who’s your friend?” but the quirk of a single orange brow aimed first at Naruto than at Sakura said maybe more than a verbal inquiry might have.

Sakura, lips already around the straw of her drink, made a noise. She withdrew from it and placed a warm, friendly hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “Oh, right! Pein, this is my friend Naruto, from back home. Naruto, Pein-san is one of the main bartenders here.” With introductions done, Sakura went back to her drink, a noise of appreciation muffled by the straw. “Pein always manages to get the best stock,” she praised lightly.

Pein shrugged, taking the rag and wiping down the counter. Naruto wondered if he had a need to keep his hands busy. “It’s not really my call,” he murmured, and the blonde was surprised he could hear the bartender over the thrashing noises of the band across the room. “Madara-san gives me and Konan a lot of freedom with picking stock, so long as it’s in budget.” He looked up from the counter but his hand didn’t still. “Can I get you anything, Naruto-san?”

Naruto hedged, laughing nervously and scratching at the back of his head. “Er, I don’t really drink enough to know what I would want.”

“Rum and Coke,” Pein said after a moment of thought. Again, not a question. “Rum goes down pretty easy.” He added.

“Uh…sure?” Naruto responded. It wasn’t supposed to be a question and yet it sounded like one.

Pein set a glass of what looked like just regular soda in front of the blond and returned to wiping the counter.

Naruto’s hand shook slightly, the liquid sloshing within the glass as he raised it to his lips and…

It…really just tasted like Coca-Cola.

That was…anticlimactic.

“Didn’t put a lot in,” Pein admitted, ringed eyes meeting blue for a moment. “No need to overwhelm you.”

Huh. Naruto hadn’t expected a bartender – a person whose sole source of profit stemmed from the selling of alcohol – to be quite so considerate about his customer’s wellbeing.

“…Thanks,” muttered the blond, taking another sip.

“Hey, speaking of Konan,” inquired Sakura, pushing her empty glass towards Pein. “I thought she was working tonight?”

Pein raised a brow and Naruto could’ve sworn he saw a smile briefly flash across the man’s mouth. “You live with her. Can’t wait another few hours to see her?” And yup, there was definitely a little smile on his mouth. “She said you were clingy.”

Sakura huffed, folding her arms across her chest and staring evenly at the orange-haired bartender, who stared right back, unblinking. After a tense couple of seconds, Pein grabbed the bottles of vodka and lemonade – raspberry, according to its label – and Sakura answered his teasing remarks. “I need to check with her about having Naruto sleep on our couch for the weekend. Deidara already gave the okay.”

“Deidara gives the okay on virtually anything,” Pein countered coolly, passing Sakura her second glass.

Pink lips wrapped around the straw and sucked briefly before letting go. “Exactly. So I need _actual_ permission. From an actual adult that doesn’t have a bedroom that smells like smoke and rotten eggs.”

Pein’s shoulders shook briefly in what Naruto assumed was a suppressed laugh.

Naruto, however, was not amused.

“Sakura-chan…what kind of people are you living with?!” he squeaked, in a voice that would be too loud in any other venue. Thankfully, the band was still playing – or attempting to – and lessened the impact of the blonde’s exclamation.

Sakura, for her part, did look sheepish as she turned in her seat to better face the blond. “Alright, yes, I know that sounds bad, but you met Deidara-kun. He really isn’t a bad person. Just…well…”

“Volatile? Melodramatic? Bat shit insane?” Pein listed these words in such a deadpanned tone that they almost lost their meaning. Of course, they were being used to describe one of his best friend’s roommates so Naruto was hyper aware of what they meant.

Sakura scoffed, almost a bit haughtily, setting her half empty second glass down with a hard clink. “We’re talking about _Deidara-kun_ here, not _Hidan_ ,” she countered, with a hard defensive edge in her voice.

Naruto could have sworn he heard an outrage “HEY!” somewhere near the pool tables but neither Sakura nor Pein acknowledged it so perhaps the blonde had just imagined it.

Pein had refilled his glass without Naruto even noticing. He took a sip, hoping whatever amount of alcohol was mixed in with his soda would give him the courage to turn down Sakura’s generous offer. Not that he wasn’t elated to see his friend – he very much was! – but…well…

“Sakura-chan, are all your friends insane?”

It wasn’t very tactful but it was earnest and pressing. At least Naruto had that in his favor.

Pein shoulders shook again with the effort of trying not to laugh verbally.

Sakura got this guarded, defensive look in her eye that made Naruto a bit nervous.

“Okay, well, they’re not the best at normal social conventions and some of them have a tendency to destroy things, but that doesn’t necessarily mean—!”

“So, in short, yes, they are insane,” came a serene voice from somewhere behind Naruto’s shoulder.

There was a woman standing there, in a blue blouse that matched her hair, tying the little black apron emblazoned with the red cloud logo of the bar – the same one that Pein wore – around her waist. She straightened, somehow without upsetting the bun atop her head or the white flower clip pinning her bangs back. She had knowing eyes and a firm set mouth. Her fingers where lithe and dexterous as she smoothed the apron of its wrinkles. Somehow, in the dingiest possible setting, this woman held an aura of tranquility and control.

“Konan!” Naruto didn’t even need to be looking at Sakura to hear the relief in her voice and the smile on her face.

So this was Sakura-chan’s other roommate. Well, surely this woman – as put together and composed as she was – balanced out whatever weirdness Deidara-san or that Hidan guy or any number of Sakura’s other friends brought to the table.

Konan smiled, small and gentle, and moved closer to the pair seated at the bar.

Or rather, closer to Sakura.

“Hi,” she said softly, leaning down and brushing her lips briefly against Sakura’s.

Naruto was vaguely aware of his jaw hitting the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a writing playlist for this story on 8tracks under the same name. A link and a setlist can be found under my (rarely used) literary sideblog costumemakersapprentice.tumblr.com.
> 
> This'll probably be the last chapter for 2014. See you guys in the new year!


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